So apparently it’s been the wettest January in England since records began, over 100 years ago. Raining in the UK? Shocker right. Thankfully it’s also been extremely windy. Why would I be glad of this? That’s simple. Wind is the natural enemy of umbrellas, and the enemy of my enemy is my friend. To many, the humble umbrella might seem a strange enemy. But thanks to the Umbrella Paradox™, they shall eternally be mine.

The theory of the Umbrella Paradox is a simple one. No matter how tall the carrier is, the tips of the umbrella are always at the exact level of my eye. The dastardly little bastards are always sharp too. Some people are considerate enough to attempt to lift the lethal weapon out of the way. Alas these people are normally little old biddies that actually lift the deadly points to exactly eye level, because thats as far as their little old arms can reach.

Death to the umbrella. Unless I’m carrying it of course. They are jolly useful for keeping you dry.

*grumble*, *grumble*